Many parents have to deal with their kids being made fun of, harassed and even physically and emotionally assaulted. Bullying incidents have attracted plenty of attention in recent years and some reports show that the increased focus on these situations and how to reduce them have had a positive impact. But what about the bullies themselves?

While parents may be ready to help their kids overcome bullying, they may feel uncertain about what to do if their child is the instigator. How do you recognize the signs that your child may be a bullying another and what can you do about it?

Is your child acting like a bully?

Some reports show that nine in ten students in grades 4-8 have been bullied with over 160,000 kids afraid to go to school because of it. That’s a lot of bullies running around out there. So how do you know if your child is one of them, short of being called to the principal’s office and being told point blank? Start with watching their behavior closely and look for: Dominating and controlling tendencies, unsolicited aggression, a lack of empathy towards others, acting out and arguing excessively, and acting impulsively.

Although all those signs can be present in any child, too much of any of them could be a sign that your child may be on the way to becoming a bully. If you suspect that your child may be bullying others, talk to them honestly and ask them about the behaviors they are engaging in that could be considering bullying.

Help them realize that their actions hurt others and that, in addition to facing consequences, they would also not appreciate being treated the same way. Many bullies have been bullied themselves; according to a study by the University of Washington and University of Indiana up to 97 percent of bullies say they had been bullied by others. Draw a connection between their actions and what may have been done to them.

Even if they haven’t been bullied, ask them why they are behaving this way. Are they upset or frustrated because of an issue at home, school or something unrelated? Make sure you keep your lines of communication open with them. Parents should try to link their child’s behavior to other circumstances and help their kids understand that their emotional state does not have to lead to bad behavior.

It’s important to note that children learn behaviors from their parents themselves. Having a child who mistreats others should prompt parents to reflect on their own behavior and honestly assess whether they are inadvertently teaching their children bullying behaviors. If this is the case, then the best way to stop bullying behavior is an effort by both parent and child to recognize their actions and learn how to change them together.

How to curb bullying behavior

First, help them recognize that their behavior is inappropriate. Then, explain how bullying affects others and how they can change. Those kids who have been bullied themselves will understand how it makes them feel hurt, scared and diminished, but even those who haven’t been bullied should have parents explain that making others feel scared or belittling them is cruel and unacceptable.

Human beings are born with the capacity to feel empathy – it’s wired into our brains and is what makes us experience feelings even if we are not going through things ourselves, according to psychologists. When children become aware of the negative consequences of their actions, chances are they will be less willing to continue them.

Even so, recognizing the effects of bullying is no guarantee that it will stop. Parents may have to set consequences for bullying behavior that continues. They could start by making those consequences clear and establishing a plan for following through – anything from reducing screen time to grounding. If problems persist, then parents can enlist the help of teachers, school administrators, counselors and therapists. For help recognizing and dealing with bullying, we invite you to sign up for The Children’s Trust Parent Club workshops. These workshops cover essential topics like cyberbullying, building better relationships between parents and their children, and more. Don’t miss this opportunity to gain valuable insights and tools - Visit TheChildrensTrust.org/ParentClub for dates, times and topics. Your proactive involvement can make a significant difference.