From playground to graduation, youth sooner or later become interested in dating. Parents and their tweens and teens together should discuss maturity and readiness, safety, and family values regarding relationships.
To Date or Not to Date: There's no perfect age to start dating but some pediatricians recommend to wait until 16, says WebMD, which may vary according to one's community norms. Yet the average age for girls to start dating is 12.5 and for boys 13.5, reports the American Academy of Pediatrics. WebMD discusses the common first step of group outings. Talk to your child about what the group outing entails and decide if comfortable with it. "Co-ed groups let kids experiment with dating behaviors in a safer setting with less pressure," it states. "Research has shown many times that teens thrive when loving parents set and enforce clear limits. Experts say that it's best to set rules as a family--with your teen's involvement. Talk about what your family thinks is the right age to start dating one-on-one and why."
Safety First: For outings, set clear rules on everything from smart phone use to curfew, says an article in parents.com. Can they gather only in a public space at a home or in a large friend group? Justine Ang Fonte, a health educator in New York, encourages dialogue on healthy dating practices and to have a backup plan if the youth feels unsafe. "When questions about physical intimacy come up (even things like hand holding), Fonte encourages parents to coach teens about setting boundaries, then ask how well the significant other honors those boundaries," it says.
In parents.com Dr. Lisa Damour, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, also suggests parents encourage youth to hold the same high standards for dating relationships that they should for their friendships: respectful treatment, enjoyable company, and shared interests. "It's important to keep open communication and dialogue to allow your teen to feel comfortable talking to you," says Damour.
WebMD reports that 33% of teens experience sexual, physical, emotional, or verbal abuse on a date. Teens may not know how to bring up such devastating experience so a worried parent should directly ask the teen if he or she feels safe or hurt.
Sweet 16? In an article by South East Bay Pediatric Medical Group, pediatrician Dr. Ron Eager advises youth to wait until 16 to single date, give or take a year depending on maturity. "There's an enormous difference in maturity between a 14- or 15-year-old and a 16- or 17-year- old in terms of life experience," he says.
Parents should also not minimize a child's feeling of first love. And while dating discussions should address biological aspects of love, "equal time should be devoted to thoughtful discussion about love as the most powerful of all human emotions," the article states. "And "having an imperfect resume does not disqualify you from initiating this conversation."
Parents need to feel ready to educate their kids about love, liking, sexuality, and emotionality, says Dr. Barbara Greenberg in yourteenmag.com. "We are responsible for both the hearts and souls of our developing children," she says. "We must look at both our own comfort level and our teen's comfort level when discussing all matters related to dating. And, if this is still a dreadfully uncomfortable topic, then the time isn't right yet," Goldberg says.
Fancy Free: If your teen is not ready for dating reassure them that it’s fine to resist peer pressure while fostering meaningful conversations. "There is no rush when it comes to dating world...Talk to them about what constitutes a healthy relationship, how to voice their boundaries and how to conduct themselves online and when out with friends. These talks allow you to build a framework for when they are ready to start dating," says parenting.com.